This week I let those following my Noble Aesthetics Instagram profile decide what they want to hear about and the majority vote favored a self-confidence blog! As always with a topic such as this, much of what I write is subjective and offers perspective, not fact! Self-confidence can be perceived both negatively and positively. But, as the title says I truly believe “Loving Yourself Isn’t Vanity it is Sanity” – Andre Gide.
Did you know our brain has negative bias? We are more likely to focus on the negative thoughts, feelings, experiences,actions than we are on the positive. It is legitimately hardwired into our brains! That is not just mother nature having a dig, it serves the purpose of assisting our survival mode and helping us recognize danger and any possible challenges. This means when it comes to self-confidence and esteem we are essentially starting a hike up the mountain without any sticks. Many of us would think ‘sod this’ and stay at the bottom of this mountain, questioning how we are expected to even consider climbing it without sticks! That is your negative bias overpowering your brain. This is when you need to have a word with yourself (internally for your own sake), and outweigh the negative thoughts with positive ones.
I can genuinely feel the eye rolls… I know it is always so much easier said than done but I am now going to elaborate and give you multiple suggestions on how to improve your mindset and self-confidence, I can offer some tools but ultimately it’s you who has to do the work!
Good bacteria/ Good thoughts:
Think about how it feels to be anxious, we hold on to a negative thoughts and replay them over and over again until it suffocates any other mindset. Try doing the same with a positive moment, something that made you smile, laugh or just feel generally happy. Replay it over and over, remind yourself of it later in the day, the following day or even the following week. Anyone with a bacteria imbalance within their gut has to feed themselves with lots of good bacteria to counteract the bad, treat the mind the exact same way, flood it with good thoughts to counteract the bad! This can be a list of what you’ve achieved over the years, fun experiences you’ve had, the last times you laughed with friends and family, don’t waste your positive memories, think about them.
Roll your eyes at social media: Social media has undeniably created a whole wave of unrealistic expectations for both men and women with regards to physical attractiveness and body image. In turn this has impacted heavily upon our own self worth and self-confidence. We all want to have a Jolie jawline, fuller lips, to decide where our fat goes when we indulge (straight in the trunk please sir). This is something that has been frequently written about, we are all aware of it and some find it very difficult to not let it consume their own self opinion. The advice is often to just come offline, but we all know that isn’t going to happen so my only advice with regards to this is stop warping realities. Just do yourself a favour and seperate real from fake. No, her skin isn’t that flawless that is the ‘Cairo’ filter and yes what amazing hair she has but she’s only grown about 30% of it herself. But not only that, so what if someone looks amazing, or has a killer body, or is successful, or goes on amazing trips. Its a happier position to be in to be able to praise and love others whilst still maintaining a positive love for ourselves and our own lives! Loving yourself will then in turn change your mindset on how you perceive others, instead of feeling bitter about someone’s beauty or success, admire your own qualities and what you love about yourself.
Build up your motivational habits: We all hate hearing it but exercising has so many amazing benefits for self-esteem: It is proven to increase concentration, reduce mental tension and stress! Releases endorphins which generates a feeling of happiness and euphoria and has been proven to decrease anxiety and depression, whilst also improving mental memory. Working out can also increase your productivity, creativity and brain power, getting in better shape and being healthier is just a bonus! Need I go on, if all of the above doesn’t convince you I don’t know what will… Other than saying you definitively feel less guilty eating cake after a workout !
Back Yourself: Why is it when someone gives us a compliment, we are all so quick to say “thanks but no”, we put a wall up to this outsider admiration. So not only are we giving ourselves a hard time we cannot even allow someone else to recognize a positive feature! We need to get better at allowing and absorbing compliments. Think about all the amazing qualities you have to offer as a person. The truth is you cannot expect someone to appreciate and love you without first falling in love with yourself. If that does not come naturally then it means you have to actively work on highlighting all the good traits you withhold. Absorb compliments and believe them. Your mindset should dictate that you are not here to impress others and instead others have a job to impress you,enough for you to be willing to allow them samples of your amazing attributes! Some research has even shown standing in the superwomen stance every morning can really improve your self-esteem but I won’t set that one as homework you can decide whether to trial that haha!
Is aesthetics a contradiction for self confidence? As an injecting practitioner within facial aesthetics, many of the clients I see are booked in to my clinics to alter something about their appearance. Much of the feedback I then receive following treatment is just how much their aesthetic treatment has boosted their confidence. To some this would suggest that that person had low self-esteem and was lacking self confidence and self-love, but to others could it not just mean they were investing in themselves for once and decided to alter something to improve their day-to-day outlook, So who is right?For me, the right answer is if you wish to take steps to ENHANCE your features then so be it, my red flag is when a client points out a “flaw” or something that they wish to enhance which I deem to be in perfectly in proportion, or if I feel the treatment they are wanting is more as a result of compromised mental health. This is more regarding disorders such as body dysmorphia. Changing something about your appearance does not mean you necessarily have low self esteem, it can just mean you have decided to give yourself some attention and do something you want to do for yourself. Which actually can be considered extremely positive. It is positive because it means you are in a good enough place to decide YOU ARE WORTH INVESTING IN, which speaks volumes!
Aesthetic injectables is not the ideal treatment option if your compromised self-confidence comes from not appreciating yourself as a holistic person, yes we can give you bigger lips or help to maintain a youthful appearance but we cannot internally help you admire your own qualities and attributes!
Think it, believe it, repeat it: It’s all an internal mindset issue, not a what clothes size am I, are my lips big enough, is my hair thick enough issue. The internal self-confidence voice does not develop overnight, its something you have to keep shoveling at to dig out and bring it to the surface. There is only one you (let’s disregard the theory of us possibility having a replicating human somewhere on the universe, that just over complicates matters, but you get what I am saying!). So think that you are amazing, believe it and then repeat until the message is more naturally installed within your mindset!